How to Get Over an Ex (Even When You Still Love Them)
You can't control another person's feelings or choices. These practices are for your own clarity and wellbeing.
Orly is a self-care app, not a medical or mental-health service. If you're struggling, talk to a doctor or licensed therapist. In the US, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Elsewhere, contact your local emergency number.
Getting over an ex usually means letting yourself grieve, limiting contact and checking their social media, leaning on friends, keeping basic routines like sleep and movement, and slowly rebuilding a sense of who you are on your own. Research suggests checking an ex's profile is linked with more distress and longing, and that reflecting on the breakup can help people recover by clarifying their sense of self. There's no fixed timeline, and still loving them is normal. If the pain is affecting your sleep, work or safety, talking to a therapist can help.
Want affirmations written about your life? Orly writes 10 new ones every morning and reads them aloud. Free to download; your first day includes every Premium feature.
How long does it take to get over an ex?
There is no reliable formula, and popular rules like half the length of the relationship are not science. Grief moves in waves, and some days will surprise you with calm and others with a punch to the chest.
Cleveland Clinic's breakup guidance urges patience with yourself. Healing is uneven. Still thinking about them months later can be normal, especially after a long bond.
Measure progress in functioning: sleep, appetite, work, friendships, and how often you check their life online. Those markers matter more than a calendar.
Divorce and long cohabitation can lengthen the adjustment. Legal questions belong with lawyers; emotional care belongs with you, friends, and professionals.
10 steps to get over an ex
These ten steps are a map, not a race. You can linger on one step for weeks. The order is flexible when life demands it.
Each step below starts with a direct answer, then a little context. If writing kind lines feels impossible right now, Orly can write them from what you tell it about the breakup and read them aloud before sleep. The AI coach is there when you'd otherwise text them. Personalized affirmations and coach replies are written by AI (Google Gemini) and can be imperfect.
Getting over someone is not the same as never loving them again. It is learning to live well while that love changes shape.
Return to step one whenever a fresh wave hits. Grief is not linear, and repeating a step is part of the work.
Let yourself grieve
Grief is the honest response to loss. Name it instead of performing fine.
Cleveland Clinic describes stages of grief after a breakup, including shock, sadness, and gradual acceptance. Let feelings arrive without a deadline.
Limit contact and checking
Space reduces daily re-injury. Marshall (2012) linked surveillance of an ex on Facebook with more distress and longing in a correlational study.
Use the no contact rule as a guide for boundaries, including muting stories and asking friends not to relay updates.
Remember why it ended
Recall patterns, not only the highlight reel. A small study by Langeslag and Sanchez (2018) found that reappraising an ex's downsides reduced love feelings but felt more unpleasant in the moment. That trade-off is real; it is not a trick to play on yourself forever.
Use healthy distraction
Distraction can lift mood without erasing love, according to the same study. Movies, exercise, and projects count when they are not avoidance of every feeling.
Lean on your people
Tell friends what you need: listening, not fixing. Cleveland Clinic lists social support among its breakup tips.
Keep a basic routine
Sleep, food, and movement stabilize a nervous system that grief shakes. Small routines are victories on hard weeks.
Write about it
Lewandowski (2009) found positive writing after a breakup raised positive emotion in participants. Larson and Sbarra (2015) linked reflection with clearer self-concept. Journals are for you, not for sending.
Talk to yourself kindly
Use believable affirmations (Wood et al., 2009). The breakup affirmations page has sixty lines; eight shorter ones appear below on this page.
Be careful with rebounds and alcohol
Cleveland Clinic cautions that rebounds and heavy drinking can delay healing. Neither is a moral failure; they are risks to notice.
Get support if you need it
Therapy helps when pain blocks daily life or when you think about self-harm. In the US, call or text 988. Affirmations sit beside professional care; they do not replace it.
How to get over someone you still love
Loving them and moving on are not opposites. You can carry love as memory while you stop building your week around their replies.
Langeslag and Sanchez studied love reappraisal statements like "It's okay to love someone I'm no longer with" and found they did not automatically reduce love feelings. They can still offer acceptance instead of a switch you flip.
Let love become information about what mattered to you, then invest that knowledge in your next choices.
How to get over a breakup when you want them back
Wanting them back after a split is common. You cannot control their return, and you can still work on your steadiness.
Read how to manifest your ex back for an honest frame on manifesting, and the should I get back with my ex quiz if they reach out. Healing and hope can coexist while you prioritize your safety and self-respect.
What keeps you stuck
Checking their profiles, waiting on signs from signs your ex wants you back pages, replaying last conversations, and isolating all feed the loop.
Notice which habit costs you the most sleep and address that one first. Mute, block, or hand your phone to a friend for an hour.
Stuck is not a character flaw. It is a signal to change one input in the loop.
What to do immediately after a breakup, per Cleveland Clinic, often starts with basics: feel the feelings, lean on support, and avoid big decisions while shock is fresh. You can return to this list when the first week passes.
8 affirmations for getting over an ex
Eight believable lines. For sixty more, see breakup affirmations.
Short lines for hard days
Say one, then do one kind action.
- I can hurt today and still take care of my body.
- I can love them in memory without chasing them now.
- I can mute what reopens the wound.
- I can let a wave pass without texting.
- I can ask a friend to sit with me tonight.
- I can rebuild one routine at a time.
- I can be patient with grief's pace.
- I can choose support when affirmations are not enough.
Make them about your life
Add your specifics: the playlist you avoid, the coworker who checks in, the bedtime you protect. Healing language should sound like you on a Wednesday, not like a poster.
Orly can personalize lines and read them aloud when nights are loud. Keep what feels true; discard what does not.
Want affirmations written about your life? Orly writes 10 new ones every morning and reads them aloud. Free to download; your first day includes every Premium feature.
Want affirmations written about your life? Orly writes 10 new ones every morning and reads them aloud. Free to download; your first day includes every Premium feature.
Orly is a self-care app, not a medical or mental-health service. If you're struggling, talk to a doctor or licensed therapist. In the US, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Elsewhere, contact your local emergency number.
Sources
Links last checked October 17, 2026.
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Get Over a Breakup
- Cleveland Clinic, Stages of Grief After a Breakup
- Langeslag & Sanchez (2018), Down-regulation of love feelings
- Marshall (2012), Facebook surveillance of former romantic partners
- Larson & Sbarra (2015), Self-concept clarity after breakups
- Lewandowski (2009), Writing after relationship dissolution
- Wood et al. (2009), Positive self-statements
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to get over an ex?
There is no set timeline. Waves of missing them can appear months later. Track sleep, mood, and checking habits rather than a calendar. Cleveland Clinic advises patience. If functioning drops, seek support. Comparing your grief to someone else's timeline usually makes you feel worse, not faster.
How do you get over someone you still love?
Let love change shape while you limit contact, grieve, and rebuild routines. Acceptance lines can help without forcing you to stop loving overnight. Therapy and friends matter too.
Why can't I get over my ex?
Common reasons include ongoing contact, social media checking, unresolved questions, and loneliness. All are human. If pain stays intense for a long time or you feel unsafe, talk with a counselor.
Should I stay friends with my ex?
Marshall (2012) found remaining Facebook friends with an ex linked to less longing but also less personal growth. It is mixed and personal. Choose friendship only if it truly feels steady, not if it keeps hope alive.
Is it normal to still think about my ex every day?
Yes, especially early on or after a long relationship. Daily thoughts can fade as you build new routines. If thoughts are obsessive or paired with self-harm ideas, get professional help.
How do I stop checking my ex's social media?
Mute, unfollow, or block, tell a friend, and plan replacement actions for urge times. No contact guidance on this site lists practical steps. Each check is a small re-breakup; reducing access helps.
When should I see a therapist after a breakup?
See a therapist when sleep, work, appetite, or safety suffer, or when you want skilled support even if you are functioning. Divorce and legal questions need professionals too; this page is not legal advice. You do not need to wait until you are in crisis to book a first session.